I just keep walking and sleeping whenever I get tired. I have lost chunks ...of my day and then I'm walking the dark cold street to my house again. I sometimes forget the day or even what time it is. I’m going to have to go see a doctor, something must be wrong with me. Maybe in my blackouts I have done something wrong? I’m almost too scared to even try to get help. What if it’s a tumor? What if it can’t be cured?
I stop walking and yell out “Please. Anyone? Anyone?” I scream into the cold dark night. I scream until I can’t scream anymore. No one takes any notice of me. No one even looks my way.
I just sit on the sidewalk. I am exhausted. Both physically and menially. I scratch my wrist and feel a pain. I look down and notice the red jagged cut across my wrist. Then it dawns on me. This is my punishment. There is no fire and brimstone. There is my special hell for suicide.